“Banyana ba tricky” – Friendships 101

Everybody needs someone sometimes, for shopping, eating chocolate, dancing, gossiping, watching videos, getting groomed and going on holidays.. Who best than a FRIEND. Friends hang around you because you are kind, funny, intelligent and honest – so don’t become a bitch with an attitude problem and expect them to go along with it. Be genuinely nice and the mates worth having will surely stick around – for the long haul

 The one rule of etiquette is: treat others the way you would like to be treated.  For lasting friendships, just be a gnuinely cool companion- SIMPLE. Communicate with your friend to avoid misunderstandings. I have observed people cling to friendships that aren’t even good for them to fit in and for fear of being alone to say a few. They then resort to not telling their friends what’s bothers them in the union to avoid “ruining the friendship.  They stick around or vent on the third person next thing “banyana ba tricky” I believe the one that utters these words is tricky. If she is so your friend why don’t you tell her of what you are unhappy about?  Just a thought 🙂 


Part of what Refined Image does is coach on proper etiquette – How to get right in every situation. That being said, I will share a few tips on friendship commandments


  1. Pick friends who make you feel good about yourself
  2. A jealous friend will never be an honest friend
  3. Trust your instincts .if a person genuinely likes you, you’ll know.
  4. New friends are as valuable as old friends, for different reasons.
  6. Respect the fact that your friends have different priorities from yours.
  7. On stew on an argument on crossword – sort it out.
  8. Don’t forget a friend’s birthday.
  9. Ring your friend if something big is happening in their life. Even its for one minute.
  10. Use your friends for support, but don’t overburden them. Everyone has limits  and their own lives to get on with.


No one likes to be thought of as rude, ill-mannered or ignorant. So be the one friend everyone wants to have.


The commandments from – Sarah Ivens; (2003) A Modern Girl’s Guide to Etiquette


Events and Dress Code

I love music ♪, I love dressing up, going out and obviously looking good. I can even go alone to watch my favorite band if I have to. I am no perfectionist but there are certain elements I feel must never be compromised on when hosting events.

Will mention two I’ve observed locally (Gaborone)

1. Being Late: On personal instances, arriving late at whatever the occasion no matter the reason makes you look bad. It’s even worse when you try explaining why. The correct conduct or courtesy would be to let the person you appointed with well IN TIME you are running late so they can also do something with their time.
That being sad, the common one I’ve seen in local events I been to is even the hosts/ organizers are late!! What I still don’t get is why people who came ON TIME have to wait for someone who hasn’t even RSVP’d. “A re eme eme gongwe ba tla tla” (Chick please, Bomang? I’m here) I’d TRY and understand if it’s a small party with close tolerant friends. Inexcusable if you paid!!!! The event runs late and no one bothers telling you what is going on … When you complain or try finding out why the delay you labeled a hater! Gatwe motho wa bo a rata dilo to expect this courtesy for services they paid for. I choose not to complain but some events organisers need to take their work seriously. It’s like when you paid they now don’t care what happens to you.

Another thing
2. Dress code: what’s the point of including a theme/dress code if it’s not monitored? I’ve seen people at Black tie events wearing sneakers!!! Nxu stru.. high tea with jeans and still admitted into the event…this is why I say hosts don’t care what happens as long as they got your money. You arrive, no one gets to usher you to your table if any. They will only see when you not in the right one to remove you to yours. There are however decent places where one could get better service. Feel free to name any cause I might be hanging at wrong places.

That’s just my observation!

“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.” – William Shakespeare

“I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion…”

Do you think you are misunderstood at times? Frustrating huh? Do you find yourself explaining yourself to people who just don’t get you or they like “yea right” Have you stopped to think that maybe, just maybe it’s not that they don’t get you, probably it’s the way you carry yourself when you are around them; Body Language – (we communicate even without saying a word). People you meet already have something to say about you the first time they see you (First Impressions) which usually aren’t the truth but still last! With the opinion people formed about you, they will decide if they want to speak to you or even do business with you. Mind you they haven’t even spoken to you!

There is something you can do however to pass the right message. DRESS not only to cover your body but to communicate. It should always be at the back of your mind that people will judge you on how you dressed especially if you want something from them, be it a job, a promotion, money or just their attention. Clothes are tools to manipulate perception and dressed right for the occasion you can’t go wrong. Whether you care or don’t, there is no running away from that.

Another example is social media, people judge you by the friends you keep, the conversations you make, posts you share, the pages you like, the comments you make and form an idea of the kind of person you might be without having met you. They still can decide whether to delete you, add you or block depending on what they want from you. 🙂

YOU can change that if you choose to take yourself seriously and own your image. Not everyone can be able to do this without help that’s why there are Image Consultants to help you manage your image.

Because they are trained professionals, they have specialized knowledge and coaching in dress, grooming, body language, etiquette, and professional presence. Consultations are tailored to meet your specific goals and needs. Beginning with your current wardrobe, an Image Consultant and Personal Shopper will make suggestions on the appropriate color, style, and fit suitable for you. They do take considerations of the different body types, your lifestyle, age and of course your budget. They give advice on how to best accentuate your best body features and the best colours to wear. An image consultant will also suggest additional investment pieces that will help you present yourself with more confidence, competence and credibility – ultimately increasing your earnings potential.

Working with an Image Consultant and Personal Shopper is an investment in you.  Dressing well, doesn’t necessarily mean you are projecting the right image for you. Find out what your clothing says about you. By working with an image consultant, your current challenges will turn into opportunities. Receive more compliments; feel more prepared for every occasion; and save valuable time and money by avoiding wardrobe blunders. Your return on investment is noticeable and feeling more confident is priceless.